If we personally look at our lives, we could see contradictions all the time. What's right and what's wrong is quite ironic at times. We are happy to approve things for ourselves and find justification for our actions but are so quick to disapprove of others, without even any form of consideration.
A few years ago I stumbled upon a Qatari based forum online which discusses general form's of social issues.. A topic that grabbed my attention was titled something in the lines of "Would you allow your family to go to the cinema?" I bursted out at laughing at the idea of such a topic being seriously discussed but my smile quickly disappeared as I read the replies to the topic. Many men replied with such things as "I'd never allow my sister to go to the cinema, what is the point of TV's at home?" Another suddenly exclaimed "It is Haram (religiously forbidden) for girls to go to the Cinema!" And many other comments. This is just a simple example, one of many I know that expresses people's contradictions. Why would it be okay for them but not others? What makes them the 'exception'? Why are they controlling what's wrong or right?
I am a strong believer in self-discipline. Of course, family values, education, family, friends and generally how you were raised plays the hugest role. But, there comes a certain point when a person should depend on their self to decide the difference between wrong and right, acceptable or forbidden..
Truth be told, the saying is usually said by females. A perfect way to describe the reason why would be another saying.. " الرجال ما يعيبه شي "
This roughly translates into: A man cannot be flawed or faulted by anything.
It makes me wonder, to what point is this saying true? Does it really not matter what wrong doings he does because in the end he is a man and it makes it okay? On the other hand, we have how women are perceived.. As beautiful, clear glass, a simple scratch would ruin it's 'clarity' forever.
I think the best response to such ideals and sayings would be god's words from the Holy Quran when it stated "
| O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things). |
We are all in the end both human and it does not matter which gender, tribe, nation you are from. You are judged by your righteous acts and right doings. that is all.
Sadly lots of people live in contradictions & this is because our society has not yet accepted the fact of modernism, and instead of making it easier for people it just ends up becoming harder. Its basically finding the right balance when doing things خير الامور اوسطها
ReplyDeleteObviously what men here in the gulf dont understand is the fact that this ideology الرجال ما يعيبه شي is utterly the most ideology that causes the societal decay that we see today. It goes against all islamic ideologies since were both created equal setting aside the fact that women play a vital role in the building blocks of all societies.
How many times have we heard of husbands having affairs with other women for no reason and at the end of the day all fingers in society are pointed out to the wife "she didnt do a good job".
The best way to fight this ideology is through education and the fact that women today can become independent and might not need a man to support them financially.
finally,, the verse you posted from the Qoran isnt about equality but the main meaning is that god created man and women (adam and eve) and created tribes, and people (sh3oob) to get to know each other to live and that there should not be racism between tribes, people, and races. The best among all of you according to god are those who are most pious.
This was directed to all people especially Arabs who are extremely tribal and would not allow their sons or daughters to marry from one tribe to another thinking that each is better than the other. Its this verse of the Qoran that helped the prophet (PBUH) fight the mentality of tribalism.
Another amazing post
thanks
YBO
Ive passed by every other post and been amazed.. but this one made me stop and think! mainly because its a never ending debate amongst my friends.. and because u asked me to comment :p
ReplyDeletebeing raised in Qatar and being exposed to two kinds of friends.. the Qataris and the "mutawa's" (religious) guys.. I've always had this perception in mind.. as a 15 year old kid Id shout at my sisters, cousins and once at my aunt for not having her hijab properly! As I entered university I got exposed to more people from both ends of the spectrum.. and that only mad it harder! On one side we hear about women movements in the west and women liberation in Islam.. and on the other culture and our understanding of religion contradict that.
I cant say that I've got a perfect view right now.. but it improved a lot since that time because of three things:
Logic:
A big mistake in our education system is the lack of philosophy and logic classes.. or at least debate sessions because they develop the same mind set.. we grew up learning to take everything for granted.. and in the extreme cases analyse depending on our intuition (which is based on what we took for granted).. Simple logical tools like making assumptions or comparisons would've been enough to end this debate!!
we were having a debate in one of the Mijalis about women working in mixed environments.. most of the participants were against it.. A simple logic that hit me that day was when a friend said.. so you assume that you are invulnerable to temptations while your (insert female relative here) isnt?
Religion:
I wanted to start talking about religion first.. but the problem is we've always had the book.. what we need to change is our brains! Most versus that look sexist are either contextual or have a language trick (which is pure arabic but were THAT bad with arabic we can't get it).. I acquired an amazing book called تحرير المرأه في زمن الرساله [Women's liberation at the time of the message] which mad a great effort to gather each and every verse about women and explained it.. the right way!
whenever I hear a girl saying " I wish I was a boy" i reply with a verse saying " للرجال نصيب مما كسبوا وللنساء نصيب مما اكتسبن" [Men have a share of what they earned, and women have a share of what they earned] .. every one has a share that he/she is getting.. and thats what keeps me pushing that its not all in the guys hands as we usually say.. that the girl should look wifeable and the man has the decision.. I know something else exists.. we have to keep looking. (ie, it is allowed for the female to propose!!)
and the last thing is COURAGE:
knowing the "right path" is easy.. taking it is hard! cultural bonds are still a big barrier that youngsters fear.. I've argued a lot and won logically but a single word blows all my religious and logical arguments.. its our culture! and here I start thinking why are we still obeying this system while its against every human instinct! These set of cultural rules might have been in place because someone liked pearls or did not want to sell his camel! the way our grandparents lived was chilled compared to what we act to be now days! but who's willing to stand up and take one for the team!
To a better future,
Saleh
YBO
ReplyDeleteI agree that certain people should balance between their modernism and traditionalism. It is finding the 'right' balance that is difficult. My grandmother would always tell me "women in the past would handle much more, they were stronger" by handle more.. did she mean mistakes of her husband? Handle mistreatment or lack of a life? I wasn't sure exactly but the problem with today's world is that women are not accepting being mistreated and men are not realizing that matter.
I think we both agree on the interpretation of the verse actually? It is meant by 'gender' 'tribalism' and 'nations' all in one simple verse.. that's what makes god's words so powerful.
Saleh
Just FYI i meant i want your comments to me.. not in the blog! :p
You and I have discussed this countless times - the internal struggle we would have between westernism/ modernism and traditionalism. It's finding the right balance that's troubling.
In your case, university life, made you exposed to a different side of people and made you realize that things are not always black or white.
The point you made about logic and being able to discuss and argue and debate and for that to be "okay" is a great point. The fact that this isn't emphasized in school is probably a reason why many parents and brothers, uncles etc. don't feel a need to explain why things are not allowed.. they would suffice with "Because I said so" Things need to change, that's life.
Also, people need to give more consideration to religious reasons and not cultural reasons. عيب has replaced حرام in many aspects.
jzach allah 5eer
ReplyDeleteevery single word was right
i also get shocked when i see these comments !!
but it has a right part that girls can't do all what mens do right ?
thank you so much *raiseTheCap4u* :***
I remember family council who we met few months ago said the main problem why men do that because of parents and it’s because one thing (double standards),, simple example:
ReplyDeleteCase A:
A parent found out their son talks to a girl
Reaction A:
Awwww our boy is growing up, let’s give him some privacy
Case B:
A parent found out their daughter is talking to a guy
Reaction B:
Beating to death
They will take away her: phone, laptop, TV
Won’t be allowed to go out for months
Will be asked/ forced to change her friends
All non-related issues will be connected to this incident
So you see, the parents raised their boy that he can get away with everything, while the girl for any mistake even if it was similar to the mistake her brother did she will be deprived of her life.
It's cherry
ReplyDeleteThank u sweety <3
I'm not saying I want girls to be doing the 'bad stuff' that guys want BUT, men shouldn't be so easily allowed to do so.
Mooli
That is a PERFECT example of double standards. And what's funny these guys and parents think fooling around with girls is okay, but their own daughters and sisters no. What they don't understand is those girls are someone else's daughter, sister!
I really love this, I couldn't have said it any better. thank you
ReplyDelete